Monday, January 08, 2007 10:02 PM
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
jus back from piano lesson.. jus as expected..talked abt the super "main" topic.. she asked me about wad my parents sae..asked why didnt my mum call her and talked to her, what i had actually expected but did not happen. i really dun mind cos to me i think she really cares about how i feel..she asked me after that did my parents sae anything.. the more she asked..the more i feel like telling her EVERYTHING. somehow a teacher and student relationship jus crossed over like tat..jus like a very very close friend+teacher+guidance+mentor+wadever nice person she is..
i told her wad my mum sae..and wad happen in the car with my father jus now. wad sia.. in the car ask me by how much did i not do well..ask me must practice more all these..i was like..u all forever like tat de lor..talk to me as though i dunno wad to do like tat..as though i'm like those noobs and u are the wad mentor arhs huh..guide me issit.. pls lor..i know wad to do and i know wad my weak points are..u dun have to keep emphasize de.. and somemore..its not as easy as wad u all think it is..is not about jus playing the song well..not about jus getting right notes.. not about jus right rhythm and dynamics.. have le so wad..still fail wad.. the comments by the examiner jus shows everything..
wad i'm talking now..those reading this entry wont understand..even if they do..no one will know how am i feeling..no one cares no one knows.. if really theres someone who does................................................................ i dunno.
right here now jus staring blankly into the screen..who on earth will ever care about how am i feeling now...who will care that much for me..who the hell will ever think or understand how am i are feeling now..who the hell ever care about wad u are goin thru..who will even bother to understand..no one cares no one knows no one does..
during lesson, she told me not to take their words to heart..dun let their comments affect me cos they dunno wad i'm goin thru..they dun understand..such things is like only me and her knows wad is happening..knows wad does it feels like..i tried..but when i reached home..everything is jus as expected. u expected wad the another "she" will ask u..u expected how the question will be..everything is jus so expected..like wad i guess, like wad u counted..like wad i told cathy meow..
"wad did teacher sae, is she angry with you, or is she disappointed with u"..K LA!! enough not..i know i disappoint her i disappoint u i know i disappoint EVERYONE k!!. so wad..cry huhs..cry everyday every night issit..until now..since the news came..how many days le.. wad u expect me to show..if i cry..u'll sae cry for wad..if i didnt..u jus keep on rubbing on it..non stop as though i'm those no feelings de ppl. i dun sae or show anything DOESNT mean i dun feel anything abt it k!!
and u jus continue..continue saying i do things no fen chun..ytd sunday..whole day at home..whole day use com..hey i'm doin project lor..and u say yeah do project..then use whole day dun need rest ur eyes dun need to housework dun need practice piano issit..WTF. yesterday auntie came our hse to use com for her work..i use another com for project..when u decided to ask her to stay over for dinner and also ask my another auntie come over that time..i did stop my project and practiced the piano..cos i know at night sure alot of ppl at my hse de.. but seriously have you ever thought that..why my auntie at my hse i "dare" practice de piano and not practice when u are at home alone with me or my family..i tell u why here k..is because i dun wan u to comment..i dun wan u to give me ur forever hurtful comments..i dun wan to hear words from u that criticise the way i play..i know i'm lousy..so wad..dun trash my morale like tat k..its cruel.. sometimes i really feel like telling u..u think its so easy u do a demo for me larhs..teach me and show me how la..i will sure learn from u de..please lor..dun understand dun anyhow sae or comment can not..
wadever i DIDNT do u all definitely 1st one to know..wadever i DID u all will
forever dunno wads them..its always like tat wad..when i sae these things which i do ytd..u jus sae i not scolding u..jus telling u and reminding u..u dun need to be angry about it. k lor FINE. I keep quiet and act dumb stupid and be jus as idiotic lor.
byebye
blogging now seems to be only venting anger and not sharing any joy...
